either way he was missing a nipple.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
