Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
