My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
