Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
