Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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