I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
