fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
