Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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