You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
