"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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