I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
