so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
