I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize