Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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