I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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