At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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