I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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