we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
