Jerry, you need to find god
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
