just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
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