Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
