I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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