So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
