I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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