We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
