hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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