Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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