Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
