Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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