Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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