He uses pillows to masturbate.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
