i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
