1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
