the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
