I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
