I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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