i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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