even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize