you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
