Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
