HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
