so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
