if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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