wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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