ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
