remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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