you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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