I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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