so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
