No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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