This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
