did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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