I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
