nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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