I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
