yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
