dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
