now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
