OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
