I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
