I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
