i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
