this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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