Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
