I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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