ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
