I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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