Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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