This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
