i was rollin on her like bob the builder
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
