I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
