just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize