my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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