how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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