This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
