You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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