Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
