and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
