Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize