I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
