I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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