if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
