dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
