so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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