i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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