Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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