Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
