I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
