Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Houston, we have a blender
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
